Here it is, the end of 2019. Another year-cycle has come to an end. I try to sense and feel what it has brought me. It is like digging into an earth with so many layers and such a diverse and rich structure, that i cannot define it in a concise way. Of course i cannot. As if Life can be caught in one word or two. It’s been good and it’s been bad. I’ve felt utterly rich and I’ve been miserably poor. There has been dryness and heat, there have been storms and heavy rain. Old dreams have been buried, new plans have sprouted. And in between all that, one million moments of joy and sadness, of love and of fear, of energy and of laziness, and so on, and so on…
But me, what about me? What has Life taught me?
Not so long ago, a small revolution occurred: I realized that I do not need to always challenge myself. No, i do not need to always take the hard road. Wow, now there was one hell of an acuity! Something i have done all my life, which i considered to be the base of my strength because hell, i would not let Fear dictate my life! Rather a free dive into the depths of an abyss, than the safe (and boring!) grounds above. But after falling hard many times, breaking bones and other structures that would hold the ferry-tale of the warrior together, I have had this wonderful insight in the last year: Life does not need to hurt for me to learn from it! I do not need to take big risks and have adrenaline running through my spine to figure out which way to go! It has all to do with a certain sensitivity, that i lacked; with a soft patience, that i did not possess. There she was, always on the first row, the Explorer, the one who would lead the way and take others to places they maybe did not even want to go to. Running, or Life would overtake me. And banging hard into any obstacles. Of course, how can you not when operating at such a high speed? Obstacles were my guides, but i had to feel them first, in order to know that that was not the way.
After a year, more than a year even, of forced stillness, of sitting and waiting and feeling, from a place of not knowing which direction to go, i understood, finally, that i do not need to run. Better even: when i move softly, i will feel Life gently pushing me into the right directions. The obstacles on the way will not hurt, because i will only touch them lightly. Or, if i am in a very high sensitivity, i will feel them even before i touch them. So i can walk, slowly, and adjust my compass as i move. I can even enjoy the walk, because i have time to look around me, and see and smell and hear all the magic around. Who knows what surprises i will encounter on the way that will lead me to totally unexpected areas?
It is in this pace that i enter 2020, and that i wish to continue walking. With an openness to all beauty ahead. A certain focus is good, of course it is. But let me not forget to look around, to have a break, to sit down and inhale the endless scents and hear the precious melodies of Life. Let me not forget to enjoy the walk. Have a little hop here and there, why not a dance step. Let me embrace even more the Yin-energy in me, that was long pushed aside by the strong Yang-energy. Let me dance a waltz of softness with Life lovingly guiding me through the Labyrinth of possibilities. I am looking immensely much forward to it!